I have been on both sides of the relationship fence. All through high school, I was single (big surprise, eh). I was cool with that and had come to the conclusion that I would remain single all of my life. Then, after I graduated, I met someone and everything changed.
Things went well for a while… long enough that we got married (BTW, don’t get married at very young age). Things only went downhill from there and it was essentially “over” in less than a year, although the actual legal divorce didn’t take place until last June.
Most would consider the whole experience a total failure, but not me. I learned a great deal about life, about others, about myself and about what I want. I have decided to share some of that here today.
First, I want to talk about how I deal with things. I’m not real big on showing emotion. If I run into a problem, I may tell others about it, but I don’t dwell on things. Instead, I just bottle up those feelings/emotions and push them back; pretend that it never happened. Why would you want to worry yourself sick with a problem when there is no clear answer or solution to help you? This probably isn’t the most healthy way of dealing with problems, but I adopted it early on and it works for me.
So yeah, here we go. The first great thing about being single is the total lack of arguing or “drama”. Everyone argues, no matter how “perfect” the relationship is, and that is totally understandable. But when arguments arise about petty things, that should be your queue to bail out. I have seen some absolutely ridiculous arguments take place between people I know and their “significant other”. It’s a great feeling to not have to deal with stuff like that.
Next up, the root of all evil (no, not John Chow)… I’m talking about money. I realize that many people who are just dating do not share money. Keep it that way. You would think that two sources of income would result in twice the amount of money - hah! Money is the number one reason that couples argue, and I agree with this statistic 100%. No, I’m not stingy or tight with my money, but when one person spends 5x more than the other person, something must change.
Another huge problem that comes up when you are dating: friends. Your friend starts dating someone new and before you can blink, they are gone! Yep, that’s right. They completely ditch you… no more hanging out. Why? Because all of their time is now devoted to the new relationship.
But, this works both ways. As the person in the new relationship, you are no longer allowed to talk to your friends of the opposite sex. My female friends outnumber my male friends by a 2:1 ratio, so you can imagine this was not cool. I nearly ruined some great friendships but luckily I was able to patch things up. Now, I can talk to / hang out with whoever I want, whenever I want without the fear of causing an argument. See how this all comes together full circle?
So, will I ever “date” again? Perhaps… but I am certainly not actively looking for someone. Why? Well, why should I? I am perfectly happy being single. I don’t need someone there to “lean on when times are rough” or whatnot. Man up, handle your own problems. Be your own person. Being single is not the end of the world, you aren’t “lost” forever. I am free to do what I want, when I want with whomever I want. Oh, and I have serious trust issues with people and I highly doubt I could ever trust someone enough to, well, “share my life with”.
And now that you all thing I am a complete ass… LOL